


It Will Be Fun, Trust Me

by debwalsh



Series: Fictober 2019 [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Blanket Burrito, Fictober 2019, Fluff, Inspired by Chris Evans and Milk Commercial, M/M, Tony Stark Has Met His Match, Troll Steve Rogers, fluff and snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 01:49:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20845544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debwalsh/pseuds/debwalsh
Summary: It’s the first of Fictober 2019!And this is the first of a series of short pieces in which Steve Rogers trolls Tony Stark through commercials weird, fun, and moving.  Inspired by Chris Evans’s commercial for Lala.Stick with me!





	It Will Be Fun, Trust Me

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, Fictober is my favorite time of year. And who wouldn’t be inspired by commercials, huh?

Steve frowned at the notice in his mail, and looked up, troubled.“What’s it mean when your bank is sold in this century?”

Tony perked up at that, his eyebrows doing a hopefully little waggle.“This century?What’d it mean in the last century?”

Steve glanced over toward where Bucky lounged on the sofa - a full-body lounge that involved starfishing the furniture, wrapped in a profuse array of fluffy throws and blankets, and nestled in a veritable mountain of soft pillows.A hand wafted up from among the upholstery, waving Steve on.

Steve shrugged and looked directly at Tony, his expression grave.“Bank got sold, all the assets were lost.Any money you had in it was gone.”

Tony stared at him for a beat, and then another, his eyebrows no longer waggling, but climbing steadily toward his hairline.Then he seemed to realize he’d been silent too long - anything longer than a nanosecond was a curious lapse in the non-stop patter that was Tony’s inner monologue pushed out into the world.“Huh.Yep, means the same thing now.Why?Your bank get sold?”

“Yeah.”Steve unfolded the letter from the bank and frowned at it as though he were willing it to change its message.

“Had a lot in it?”

“Seventy years of back pay.Mine and Buck’s.”

“Oh, Cap.Cap of my father’s obsession.Obsessional Cap.Yeah, you can kiss that nest egg goodbye. You and Barnes saving up for something nice?A little love nest maybe?A tropical isle just for two, with its own gun range and landing strip that leads directly into the sea?”

Bucky’s hand rose out of the blanketry again and he snapped his fingers twice and then pointed at Tony before he gave a thumb’s up and his hand disappeared again.

“Better break it to him gently, I guess.Or at least take him somewhere where he can’t hurt anyone if he gets too stabby.”

“I heard that, asshole!” came a muffled sing-songy voice.

“You were meant to!” Tony caroled right back.

“So, you’re saying that because this bank bought my bank, they get to keep all my money?”

“Yep.”

“That sucks.That doesn’t seem like it could be legal.Like, there should have been some warning so I could withdraw my money before the sale went through.”

“Well, wouldn’t that be a run on the bank?Like what triggered your Depression?”

“Losing seventy years of back pay times two is gonna trigger my depression, for sure.So there’s nothing I can do?No recourse?”

“Sorry.Take it up with the SEC my friend.Or the FDIC.Or any number of alphabeticals.”

“Wow,” Steve replied, rubbing the back of his neck wearily. 

“Yeah.But hey, you’ve got a roof over your head, three squares, all the blankets Barnes can steal -“ the disembodied hand thrust upward, the middle finger prominently displayed.“You don’t have to worry about money.I’ll make sure you’re taken care of, Cap.Don’t worry your pretty little head.”

“Um, thanks, Tony.I appreciate it.You’re a real pal.”

“Don’t mention it, Cap.Seriously, don’t mention it.Nobody needs to know.”

“Genius playboy philanthropist, right?”

“Modest, too,” Tony added with a twinkle, a perfunctory pat on Steve’s shoulder, and then he wandered off.

Steve went over to sit next to the mound of blankets he believed housed Bucky.

A moment later, the pile miraculously wiggled and wobbled and sloughed off to reveal his bedheaded boyfriend.“You get all that?”

“Stark Lite’s an idiot. But then again, he doesn’t know you were accountant to McGreevey’s gang back in ‘38.What would Howard’s kid say if he knew his hero ran numbers for the mob back in the day?”

“Might have to leak that some day.Might get fuckin’ Fox News off my case.”

“Yeah, dream on.We’re savin’ up for the big reveal, baby.Captain America, Super Soldier Homo and his beautiful boyfriend tie the knot.That’ll make their narrow little minds explode, just not on my tux.”

“Got the wedding planned out, huh?”

“On Pepper’s calendar to start.But I am definitely wearing a tux.I wanna look pretty for my guy.”

“You could look ... like you do right now, actually, one giant bedhead, and you’d still be beautiful to me, Buck.You are beautiful.”

“And you have questionable taste.Not unlike a certain kid genius.He really buys that whole ‘aw, shucks, I don’t know anything because my brain got replaced by muscle’ bullshit, doesn’t he?”

“Everybody needs a hobby, Buck.”

“And yours is trolling Tony Stark.You gonna let Pepper know what you’re up to?”

“Oh, she’s already lining up some choice gigs for me.Gotta earn some scratch to take care of my best guy, right?”

“The weirder the better, huh?”

“Gonna toss some good ones in there - if the companies do good.And definitely a charity or five. Definitely one of those late night infomercials that are like earworms - make Tony crazy when he does his no-sleepovers in the lab.But so long as Tony thinks I’m doing it to raise money to replace what the bank ‘stole’ from me, he’s gonna have to sit on his sarcasm.Which one of us do you think will outlast the other?”

“You ever cave to Myron Finklestein over those baseball cards?”

“Fuck, no!”

“That’s why my money’s on you, honeybuns.Nobody holds a grudge like my boo.”

“Yeah, well, when I’m right, I’m right.”

“Yep, even when you’re not.” 

The look Steve shot Bucky was equal parts pugnacious and pouty, but he knew better than to think that would earn him much more than a snort and a shove, and that’s what he got for his troubles.

“Hmph.See if I buy you an island with a gun range.”

“And a landing strip that leads into the sea, remember.I love that.I want that.Talk about a no welcome mat - here, land your plane in the ocean and get washed out to sea.Sometimes Junior has decent ideas.”

“You’re an asshole, Buck.”

“I know.But I’m your asshole.So, Pep’s in on the joke.How soon do we start?”

“Think she’s got something lined up for tomorrow.Something about milk and heroes.”

“She know you were lactose intolerant for the first 25 years?”

“Who doesn’t?Stupid Smithsonian exhibit trotted out all my illnesses like a Pokémon game, gotta catch ‘em all.Still, it’s a good cause. It will be fun, trust me.”

“Yeah, yeah.That’s tomorrow.Today you’re gonna snuggle me right here, right now.”

“Snuggle, huh?”

“Like you say, it’ll be fun. Trust me,” Bucky replied with an exaggerated leer.

Oh, it was on.

END

**Author's Note:**

> You know the drill!


End file.
